How social media has trained us to commodify ourselves
How influencers have become the product and 7 tips to break free of the chattel trap of social media
This past summer I broke up with Instagram.
This was for a number of reasons. First and foremost, I think the way Instagram encourages us (especially women) to compare ourselves to others contributes to exactly the kind of issues that I am trying to help women overcome. And the research shows how exponentially damaging this phenomenon is for the mental well-being of teenage girls in particular. (Y’all know I wrote a book called Path to Puberty for girl moms, right?)
I found that the more time I spent on the platform, the more time I spent thinking about the platform when I wasn’t on it. Slowly, my inner orientation became angled towards how I would present X,Y, or Z from my life in an instagram post or reel (this gives me the super icks to think about now).
Finally, it became clear to me over the summer that Instagram was mining data for facial recognition/AI development to make AI humans look more real. This is something which I have no desire to contribute to, as I see no way in which this specific facet of AI will be of benefit to humanity, and many ways in which this technology can and will be (and is already being) weaponized. I began to ask myself how I could continue to show up in integrity on a platform that was fundamentally antithetical to everything I stand for.
So I left.
I went against all the “business” advice, and high-tailed it off that toxic AF platform. As a business owner, all you hear every day is about how to “get in front of your customers.” (Which apparently in my niche, means being on Insta).
One of the ways these platforms become successful is because they convince you that if you are not on them, you are missing out on what is important and valuable in life. They are selling fear. Which, while seemingly obvious I think it still somehow needs to be said, is utter and total bullshit.
The best things in life happen offline.
But we still get Ariel syndrome from time to time (don’t we all just “wanna be where the people are?”). And this is by design. Because “everyone” is on Instagram. Aren’t they?
(It’s ok - you can sing).
Fast-forward a few months and I find myself building up my online store for my herbal product line (tis the season for gifts, after all).
A colleague had just had me on her podcast to talk about raising our daughters differently, and was excited about the prospect of offering my book and Love Oil to her future clients as a gift when they enter her program. So I set up an affiliate option through my Shopify store so she could easily do just that - when I found something that stopped me in my tracks.
As a business owner, I have discovered that there are many things that go on behind the scenes of the commercial marketplace that most people never interface with or even realize exist. And today I stumbled upon one of those things.
I have known for a while now that many influencers that recommend products to their followers are directly paid to do so. What I didn’t know is that there is essentially a “marketplace” of influencers that product companies can pitch their stuff to.
I stumbled upon it as I was poking around my new affiliate back end, trying to learn the ropes and see what was what. Staring back at me were the frozen smiles of pages upon pages of women, their name, area of focus, and number of followers on various social media platforms listed under their photographs.
I felt instantly sad and sick to my stomach. So it’s come to this. We have become the product. And social media is just one giant advertising agency.
If we stop to think about it for a minute (rare, I know), in the grand scheme of human evolution, this whole social media phenomenon has happened lightning fast. Yet just as quickly, it has become a normalized part of our society and culture at large. 15 years ago it didn’t exist. And now, it’s integrated into everything.
It seems like a very small, select few are actually pausing to reflect on what is happening and the societal impact it is having, without just jumping in as “par for the course of how things are now.”
What if it didn’t have to be this way? I know it’s possible, because for all of human existence outside of the last 15 years it wasn’t this way.
If you think about it, stopping to film parts of your day to show off to the rest of the world is pretty bizarre. It’s like we are all incessant toddlers - “look at me, mommy, watch what I did, look what I can do, look at me!”
Yes, generational change has always been a thing. Every generation had its newness that the older crowd (which I guess, at 42, I somehow am a part of now?!) was wary of. And maybe it’s just me, but this feels strikingly different in terms of the impact it’s having on society as a whole.
Obviously, I am not above selling things. I don’t believe greed and commerce are synonymous. Commerce and trade have been in existence for millennia, and I don’t find anything fundamentally wrong with that.
Except when what’s being sold is lifestyles. And humans. And it really irks me when those humans are female. Especially today. Women have a long history of being considered the actual property of someone else, and I was kinda sorta hoping we were past all that at this point. But I guess old habits die hard.
Now, it’s not like I could push a button and buy the smiling face staring back at me. No, the whole point of this “ influencer marketplace” is so that, theoretically, I can pitch my products to them to sell for me. And there is no guarantee (very little, in fact) that if I reach out cold to these people they will be interested in what I offer.
What gets me about the whole thing though (besides the blatant deceptiveness of it all) is that people have become “famous” just for showing up on a platform like Instagram. They have become influencers by selling themselves. They are the product.
Which means that for all the “empowered female, lets crush business, girl boss rah rah” that comes from it, we actually aren’t the ones ultimately benefitting from our involvement with this platform. If we are the product, it means someone else is selling us - and making a ton of money off of us. We are just the middle men (and women).
There is no empowerment in this. The profiteer is fucking Meta. We are just its puppets.
It’s the ultimate manipulation tactic: Make us think we are benefitting (the golden handcuffs syndrome), make us think we have agency and decision making power - when in reality we become beholden to the ever-shifting algorithm that only ever serves the ultimate purpose of feeding the platform itself.
We are not making decisions for our lives and businesses driven by what is true from within us when we have to dance for the algorithm. We are making decisions dictated by an overpowering external force. We enter into a heavily manipulated popularity contest - the likes of which we have never seen before.
When our decisions are driven by the algorithm, our minds and impulses cease to belong to us anymore.
Our attention is sacred. And it is being harvested. There is nothing about this that can be good for the human psyche or soul. The fullest expression of what it means to be human will never - can never - be attained through performance for something outside of ourselves, for chasing “likes” and “followers.”
I don’t think we should (or even can) go backwards. I know that is impossible. But I am crossing my fingers, waiting for the collective moment when enough of us realize that this whole social media thing was a failed and fundamentally detrimental experiment, and we make a mass exodus.
When I look around me at the world today - in the grocery store, at the gas station, as I travel across the country - it is glaringly obvious that collectively we are becoming less intelligent. There is a sort of cumulative soul-deadening that I have been witnessing unfolding before my eyes over the past 10-15 years.
The genuine creative impulse that springs forth from the soul is, for most, being thwarted and distorted by the dependence on social media.
When we are complicit in the commodification of ourselves as the product, we contribute to the false premise that a different life or another (happier, healthier, thinner, calmer, more enlightened, insert preferred adjective here _________ ) version of ourselves is something we can buy. When in reality, nothing could be further from the truth.
“Buy my book, buy this course, buy this product - have the life of your dreams!” But anyone who has ever made a significant change in their lives knows that actual transformation comes from small shifts in behavior, repeated over time. This is so un-sexy and so hard to market. We want big, we want fast and we want it NOW.
This is not to say that there are not teachers, teachings and products that can enhance our lives. We just need to be mindful of which aspect of ourselves is grabbing for the them.
The most profound teachings are free, and exist to be discovered by anyone willing to commit long enough to interacting with and observing the natural world - around and within them. (This is why protecting and preserving wild spaces is so imperative. It is from connection with the wild that the essential teachings from the greatest wisdom traditions the world-over have emerged).
The “influencer” perpetuates the notion that what works for one person will work for all people, that if you try what someone else is doing and it doesn’t work for you, you are the problem. This becomes particularly dangerous when the influencer phenomenon begins to inform our choices about diet, fitness, where and how to give birth and mental health. Because if it doesn’t work for us, the story then becomes that we are somehow flawed to begin with.
Lies, all of it.
As women, we have capital B Billion dollar industries heavily invested in keeping us insecure and unsatisfied so that we will buy their products (this is one place where greed and commerce definitely go hand-in-hand). This has been true since well-before the advent of social media. Hair, skin, makeup, fitness and fashion industries all function this way, and have since the beginning.
We’ve been so well-trained in this model of perpetuating insecurity and subtle feelings of worthlessness in women the world over, that it is not that far of a stretch for some to now turn around and use the same tactics big corporations have been using on us forever - only on one another.
All of it takes place on the surface. All of it is about the kind of life and image we can project forward for others to see. How good are we at creating the mirage? Those most adept at image projection are rewarded with the external validation of “worth” in the form of accolades, likes and followers. But all that’s really been validated is the adroitness at playing the game.
A society where we commodify ourselves and our lifestyles and put them on display for all to see is a society that is destined for nihilism, and the mindless consumerism that has set us on the fast track to destroying the only planet suitable for human life.
If human beings can become products, does anything really matter anymore? Is anything sacred?
Your worth is inherent. It needs no validation from outside. Not one of us is here by accident, even if our conception was unplanned or unexpected. When we rest in knowing our inherent worth, choice suddenly becomes accessible to us.
Now we can engage with people, content, products, ideas, and creative pursuits because they are actually intriguing and exciting to us, not because we feel we are somehow broken and need to be fixed or told how to be better.
What a different world becomes possible when we tap into that potential, when we dream into a reality where people are operating from their unshakeable knowing of their worth and connection to a higher source. This is the world I want my grandchildren to inherit.
And so it is from this place - not from a place of thinking you can’t figure this out on your own, because I know you can - that I offer some hopefully helpful suggestions to exit the chattel trap of social media. These tips come not only from my years of spiritual and philosophical study, but also from the grist-mill of my intimate relationship to this process. So test them out in the laboratory of your own experience. Let me know what you get.
Help build this world with me? For our grandchildren and great-grandchildren, great nieces and nephews?
7 tips for exiting the commodification trap:
Accept your inherent worth.
You actually need to do nothing in order to be worthy - of love, of care, of money or goodness. You don’t need to buy anything or do anything for anyone else, you don’t need to take in a certain kind of information, think certain thoughts, acquire specific beliefs. You are here. So, you must be worthy enough to be here. (And no - this does not mean that those who are no longer here aren’t worthy to be here anymore. Stop that nonsense. They are actually still here too - but that’s a separate article…)
You came into existence. So your existence has value. The amount of universal energy required to make a human life is insane. You are not here by accident! Your life is a miracle. Period. Dot. End of story. You need to do NOTHING to change that.
From this place now ask yourself - what do you enjoy? What lights you up? It’s ok if you don’t actually know the answer! Now you get to embark on the exciting ride of exploration!
Try something new. It’s all information gathering. Could be eating a new kind of food, reading a different book you’ve never read, trying a new sport, musical instrument or new place in nature you’ve never been, making art, volunteering to feed the homeless or working at an animal shelter. Anything. Did you like it? Did you have fun? Why or why not? Be honest with yourself.
How do you best engage with the world knowing that your worth is inherent? What do you most value?
Recognize when you are stressed.
Mindless scrolling tends to happen when we feel overwhelmed or stressed (or bored - but we’ll get to that in #3!) Before picking up your phone, close your eyes and take 10 slow, deep breaths. Ask yourself what your intention is in picking up your phone. Is there another way that intention can be reached? (Hint: it is not enough to google stress-relieving tactics. You have to actually put down the phone and practice them).
Create more than you consume.
It doesn’t have to be a masterpiece. It can be a doodle on a napkin bound for the trash. Or playing with sound as it escapes our lips: it could sound beautiful and melodious, sound like a fart - or somewhere in between. The end result is not the point - shifting from being a passive consumer to being a conscious creator is.
It could be writing, it could be movement in the body (which creates energy), it could be food preparation - literally anything can become an act of creation if we approach it with consciousness and intention. Engage with the physical world somehow.
Get comfortable with boredom.
Boredom serves a very important function. In my personal opinion, boredom comes either when we have forgotten how to observe the world around us, or when our brains need a break (in which case, stop stuffing it with more stuff). Many (if not most) of the most wonderful creations came from inspiration born out of a place of “boredom.”
Boredom is essentially the emptying of the well of creativity to make room for new creations. Fill that well immediately with input to stop the boredom, and no new creations can emerge. Ride it out - and who knows what might happen! The world, the human body and energy field, plants, animals (which includes other humans), the sky, breath - all are infinitely fascinating if we truly give our focus and attention to them. To be good creators, we need to get great at actively observing creation.
Yes, sometimes we need the stimulation of another human being, but a screen is not likely going to give that to us in any kind of soul-satisfying way. More often than not, our phones are actually robbing us of each other. Look up.
Delete the app.
It’s ok if you have to do this multiple times. Eventually, you can just leave. Want to know what your friend is up to? Text or pick up the phone and call them. Don’t have real-life friends? Re-visit number 1.
Shop consciously.
Before you buy something (yes, even my products), ask yourself: what is it I hope to gain from this purchase? Does it align with my values (number 1 again)? Would making a different choice right now feel more aligned?
Get outside.
Leave your phone behind. It’s possible - I promise. It’s really ok if you don’t get a photo of that sunset. (Phone photos of sunsets never do them justice anyway.) Allow the beauty of the natural world to impress itself upon your being. Share it with others later through your own radiance. If you truly do this I promise that the next time you go for a sunset walk, you won’t have trouble convincing someone else to join you.